Change!!  I don’t like it, especially if I am told to do so.  I will change when I think it is needed and when I am good and ready … thank you very much!!

If you are hurtling down a road at full speed, giving it everything you’ve got and someone suggests a slight change, perhaps change in pace or direction, some with gentle persuasion, others squinting over their pointy noses with a look of disdain since you do not want to take their “friendly advice” – the last thing on your mind is to CHANGE.

Once you hit a brick wall, everything crashes and hurtles everywhere ….. then perhaps you consider the fact that you NEEDED TO CHANGE!!

Well, it’s too late then, too late for tears and definitely too late for regrets.  I somehow have never wasted time on regrets, that same stubborn characteristic that won’t let me implement change easily also won’t let me waste time on regrets.

However, pain is a great motivating factor to implement change.  It was only once I had lost everything, that I started thinking about how I was living my life.  It was during those lonely 9 months on the West Coast that I had a good look at myself, my choices, reactions, denials and frustrations. I had the time then to question my motives and consider the outcomes of my own actions.

It took the better part of 10 years to regain my life completely, but I will share with you the 5 actions that I took that helped me change my life around.

  1. Breathe! Just simply breathe, with every breath you take you are filling your lungs with new life.  Keep on breathing even if it is painful.
  2. Be grateful. Keep a gratitude journal.  The discipline of writing something in that journal every evening before going to sleep helps to calm the mind. Think of what happened during the course of the day and choose one moment you want to record into remembrance.
  3. Sleep. Getting enough sleep is vital for recovery.  I had the freedom to sleep whenever and for how long I wanted.  Perhaps that is not possible for everyone, but make an effort, cut out some stuff and go and sleep.  Rest your brain.
  4. Move. I started walking trying to clear my mind and many days it ended up with me crying somewhere alone in a field.  Other days I ran, to the point where I could not breathe or cramped up – all in an effort to try and get rid of the frustration and anger that boiled inside of me.  Moving in a forward motion like running, walking, swimming or riding a bicycle puts your brain in a different gear, you start to think differently. Move … forward.
  5. Mourn. Cry ladies, cry and don’t stop crying until you are empty inside. I believe when we cry we get rid of all negative things.  Mourn your losses.  I had to mourn the end of some of my friendships, I mourned the end of my marriage (I knew it would never be the same again).  Peter and I are back together after the separation and we have a new understanding and love for each other, but I had to mourn the death of the old.

This is only the beginning of recovery and for some – it might take a year or two to accomplish.  An old Chinese proverb reads ……. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step!  Be brave ladies, start walking.