I found myself asking this very question about 10 years ago!! I was all alone, isolated from all my loved ones, living on our property on the West Coast by choice. Far away from all the demands that everyday life places on a wife, mother of 5, daughter, sister and friend. I simply walked away and for 9 months struggled with this very question!!
Why would a 40+ woman just simply quit and leave everything and everyone behind? I always saw myself as this totally groomed and dedicated wife and mother, doing everything for everyone and keeping the family happy – wasn’t that my job?? I never really gave much thought about my own happiness, if it needed doing, my motto in life was “just do it”!! Don’t over think it ….. or rather don’t waste time thinking about it, just do it and get it over with and get on with the next thing to do. There always seemed so much on my “To Do” list and no matter how hard I worked, how organized I was, my list never seemed to diminish!! At the end of the day I found myself exhausted, tired to the bone, mind numb, body aching and the last thing I was in the mood for was the twinkle in my husband’s eye!! Really?? Now??
Back to the question!! Why did I end up all alone and struggling to find the answer to that specific question? I was after all, a happily married wife, a mother of 5 children, holding down a high stress job successfully, sister to my siblings, daughter to my parents and even a seemingly popular friend to many. Besides all that my husband and I were in leadership at our local church and my life should have been blissfully happy. I even lived out my calling as a missionary, having been to Cambodia twice.
The answer is simple: a short series of events unfolded and in one swoop my entire life imploded! Everything I held dear and valued seemed to vanish from my life and I found myself all alone – voiceless and valueless!!
Suddenly all the things I held dear and all the things I needed to do became worthless or a waste of time. People simply stepped over me and carried on with their lives, not at all concerned that my life had stopped. Unexpectedly, abruptly simply stopped.
It has been 10 long years …. but I have found the answer and so much more!! Today I am very happily married with such a slow contentment in our union – there are simply no words to describe it. I am still mother to many children, but they married and brought home partners and made the most gorgeous babies. We now have 3 grandchildren. I am now a much better sister to my siblings and I love and care for my parents with a tenderness and understanding that come from patience. I believe I am a better friend, to the few I now call by this special title.
My life has been restored and my view has been transformed, I have looked at life through the lenses of pain and suffering and I now know – life is short – treasure it!
